Author: Lisa Primm, LAPSW, TALS Policy and Training Director
Self-Care as a Tool for Expanding Our Ability to Serve the Public
Really, you want me to write about self care? Me, the one who lives like a martyr, doing everything for everyone (whether it is work or family or friends) and almost nothing for myself? This must be a trick. Ok, I’ll treat it like therapy. Maybe writing this blog will be life changing for me….but if not, maybe it will at least help someone else. (See what I mean?)
Desire to Serve
So, most people who choose to serve the public (social workers, teachers, legal aid advocates, etc.) have some sort of inner motivation that calls them to get paid very little in exchange for the privilege of working harder than most others. From the get go, they choose to put their own needs for fortune and glory behind their need to help others. And I have a theory. People who LIKE to help others actually deal with stress better and can probably do more with less self care than others.
In fact, some of us even LIKE the feeling of putting all of our energy into serving others and enjoy the exhaustion and strain of fully unloading all that our little social working hearts have to pour out. But still, for most of use (Mother Teresa not included) we have a breaking point. And even beyond that, think how much more we would have to give if we were our healthiest and happiest versions of ourselves!
Preventing Burnout
With that introduction, I will talk about what I really do to deal with role strain and my “Over-givers Syndrome” (I love blogging; you can even invent a syndrome!)
This is where I tell myself “You can get through this. You have had crazy days/weeks/months before and lived to tell the tale. You must take care of yourself or you will spontaneously combust and then who is going to do everything? You don’t have to be perfect. It is okay to say no.” And so on…
Most givers are pretty organized. We keep lists and revise lists. Often I actually do a ‘brain dump.’ That involves taking out a piece of paper and spending 10 minutes writing down EVERYTHING I need to do at work and home and in my other 254 different roles. Overwhelming? Not really. Better to have it written down so that I am not constantly afraid that I will forget something important.
So, in an ideal world I would spend three days a week doing a great cardio workout and three days a week lifting weights. In my real world, I might do a lunge a day because I need to pick up a piece of trash that is lying on the floor in my living room (the same piece of trash that everyone else has just walked around all day long). However, I do love a good walk in the woods. It doesn’t even feel like exercise! If you can squeeze it in, try it. The best part for me is that after I sweat for an hour I don’t want to mess up and eat anything fattening. At least for that day.
Okay, I know that sounds really bad. And impossible. But what I mean is that you don’t always have to compete, win, give the most, or be the best. You can actually say, NO, I can’t give your son a ride to the skating rink tonight because I have other conflicts, or NO, I am not able to write another blog this week because I need to leave the office in time to get home and have a relaxing dinner with my family. If you try this once, just once, you might actually decide to incorporate the word NO into your bag of tricks.
Even when I know that I can do it better and faster and with greater flourish than my child, husband, coworker, etc., I have learned that it is best for ALL of us when I delegate. My 17 year old daughter now calls in and picks up her own medication. My husband has learned where I keep the hand soap and knows how to refill the dispenser. My coworkers have learned that if they tell me when they put the last printer cartridge in the machine I will order another one. And if they don’t, they will not have ink. (It only takes once.)
I don’t know what I would do without my frequent debriefing talks. I talk to my husband, my Mother, my coworkers, and my dog. I find that in most cases a human response is helpful, but occasionally the dog is the best confidant. In any case, I must talk and laugh and cry with others. It allows me to keep doing what I do.
Do you have other techniques? Well, then use them! But by all means remember that “Over-givers Syndrome” is the precursor to having someone write a great eulogy about you. But, wait, I don’t think anyone else could write one as well as I could…
- Lisa
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